3 Squares and an Ed/Script
looks ahead, bored. Edd pops out behind Eddy, a huge grin spread across his face and a helmet replacing his hat. Edd: "Try to contain yourself, Eddy! The adrenaline of irreverence can be quite overwhelming!" quieter "We're so bad." Eddy: annoyed "What're you givin me here, laundry chutes?" indicates the chutes. Edd: "Very good, Eddy! But look closely. One's Mother's chute, one's Father's chute, and last but not least, my chute. Eddy, my chute has been secretly treated with a silicone lubricant making it the fastest slide to any basement, anywhere!" Eddy: "No foolin?" Edd: "Now for safety reasons, I insist you use this pillow, Eddy. Better safe than sorry." Edd's back is turned, Eddy wiggles his way into Edd's chute. He starts his slide. Eddy: "Yee-haw!" chute slams shut, and Edd turns around, clutching a pillow. "WOOHOOHOOHOO!!!" Eddy falls, his skin peels off like puzzle pieces. Edd: "Eddy, you get back up here and get your pillow!" sound of Eddy's landing is heard. Eddy: the basement "Bottom floor! Dryer lint, paint cans, lonely socks and mildew!" lands at the bottom of his father's chute. Edd: "And arachnids!" Eddy: "You got peanuts in your basement, Double D?" Edd: "Spiders, Eddy." climbs a ladder to get a closer look at one. "Basements make an excellent home for spiders, and Mildred is ready for her weekly examination." looks around bored. "Aren't you, Mildred?" Mildred "Did you just wink at me? Yes you did!" creaking sound is heard and a horrible screeching sound comes from an opened closet. Edd rushes over. "Don't touch that, Eddy!" turns off something called the "Opera-Matic." "Well, I see you've stumbled upon my collection of misfit failed inventions, nosy parker! I've archived these disasters to remind me of our misguided attempts and learn from past mistakes." Eddy: "Hey, is that a volcano?" rushes into the closet and hauls out the volcano. Edd: "Eddy, not that old thing!" Eddy: "How's it work? Does something shoot out of here? Well, where do you plug it in?" steps on a button at the base. The volcano turns on and sucks Eddy's head into it. Eddy strains. "Double D!" head gets sucked in. Edd giggles. "A comedian, huh?" rears back with the volcano stuck to his head, shouting angry sumo gibberish. Edd: "Oh dear!" runs away. Eddy slams his head down, and the volcano impacts where Edd was standing, smashing it. ---- volcano off his head, chases Edd outside. Eddy: "Wait'll I get my hands on you!" Edd: "Ed, help!" pulls to a stop in front of a barricade of pots and pans. Eddy leaps at Edd. Eddy: "Gotcha!" tackles Edd, sending Edd and himself over the wire and setting off the alarm. Sarah: "Freeze, mister!" is in a police uniform and holding a rifle. "Put your hands where I can see 'em!" Eddy: the rifle away "Get that stupid thing out of my face, Sarah." brings the end of the gun down on Eddy's head. Sarah: "Take a hike, Eddy, no one sees my brother. 'Cause he's been grounded." Eddy: chuckling "This I gotta see. Coming, Double D?" Sarah: him "Halt! No visitors!" Jimmy: a docile Edd "Don't let me have to use this!" puts a carved wooden rifle in Edd's ribs and giggles. "Kidding! It's just a hunk of wood, Double D." Edd: the barrel with his finger "It's all fun and games till someone gets a sliver, Jimmy." Sarah: "Guard!" retreats to his post. "Atten-SHUN! Ready, and...March!" march in front of Ed's window, which has bars taped across it. "Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup..." Eddy: giving up "Oh well. You'll have to learn your lesson, Ed. Let's go, Double D. Before I start to cry. We'll miss you, buddy." waves. As he rounds the corner of the house, Eddy grins. ---- and Sarah are marching in front of the post. Plank, dressed as a four-leaf clover, pokes out from a bush. Jimmy notices Plank and stops marching. Plank is yanked back into the bush. Jimmy: "I think I'm getting heatstroke from this hat, Sarah!" Sarah: "What's going on, Jimmy?" Jimmy: "There's something in the bushes!" Sarah: "Really?" Jimmy forward "I guess you better check it out, private! Move it!" jumps out of the bushes dressed like a leprechaun. Jonny: "Howdy howdy howdy! If you catch me I'll give you me pot of gold!" Jimmy: "A leprechaun!" Jonny: "Catch me I'll give you me pot of gold!" Jimmy: Jonny "I gotcha, you little scamp!" Sarah: "Jimmy, wait! You get back here!" doesn't come back. "Jimmy?" to join in with Jimmy "Hey, wait for me!" and Edd peek out from the other side of the house. Eddy: Edd "What'd I tell ya? Jonny'll do anything for a handful of granola." Edd: "I'm not sure about this, Eddy. Ed's parents will surely tell our parents. Haven't you heard of consequential punishment? It's the parental ring." Eddy: "Fine. If that's how you feel, I'll let Ed know you were too busy to help him in his time of need. Don't worry about it." goes to check up on Ed, smirking. Edd: "The old guilt route, huh Eddy? Works every time." follows Eddy. ---- sniveling and sniffling, is staring at a picture of his TV. He lowers the photograph, revealing that the TV is missing. Ed: sad "It is not fair." is sitting in a cardboard box in the corner of his basement, crying. It is evident that he has cried many tears, as a puddle has collected around him and the base of the box is soaked through. In the middle of his room, a storm drain starts to rattle, and the drain shoots up. An umbrella-like contraption appears and stretches the hole in the concrete wide enough to comfortably let the bodies of Edd and Eddy out. Edd: "And there you have it. The yielding abilities of cement are further explained." Ed: "Eddy! Double D!" hugs them tightly and pulls them out of the hole. Eddy: "Ed." Ed: "Hello!" Eddy: "Ed!" Ed: "Hello!" Eddy: "ED!" Ed: "Hello!" Eddy: "We're busting you out, Ed." Ed: "But I am grounded, Eddy. I have been a bad boy." drops his friends and walks to his box. Eddy: "So be a good boy." holds Ed over the drain. "Follow us. Suck in your stomach, Ed!" Ed: "I can't do it! Sarah will find out and she'll tell Mom!" leaps into his box. "And I'll be grounded!" Edd: "Ed, you've already been grounded." Eddy: thinking "I know how to get Ed out of here so that even he won't know he's missing." pets Ed to put him at ease. ---- and Jimmy are by a cardboard rainbow. Jimmy: "It's the end of the rainbow, leprechaun. Hand over that pot of gold." Jonny: "Nope. Up to the fake rainbow, that's all you get for one handful, pal." peels off his fake beard, giggles, and leaves. Jimmy: disappointed "My fantasy! Crushed by an imp." Sarah: "Back to your post!" grabs Jimmy. ---- stares out Ed's basement window. Eddy: hushed "Hurry it up, Double D!" Edd: "All right, Eddy." pushes Ed's box into the puddle of tears. In the box is a vacuum cleaner wearing a pair of Ed's pants. Edd slips Ed's shirt and jacket over the body and adds a pineapple to the top. "There we go! A rather apprable substitute for Ed's head, don't you think?" frowns. "Yet, it feels unfinished. Wanting." Eddy: "Hey fountainhead, we haven't got all day!" Ed: a new ensemble "Why is Ed sitting in a box?" Eddy: "Shut up, Ed, and go down the drain!" tries to push Ed down the drain. Edd: "That's it!" positions a book in front of the Ed statue. "Hmm..." Eddy: "Will you hurry up?" grabs Edd. ---- sprinkler is watering Ed's back lawn. Suddenly, the flow of water stops, and a lump moves through the hose. The hose spits out Ed and then, in short order, Edd and Eddy. Eddy: "How's it feel to be back on the outside, Ed?" Ed: "OUTSIDE ED?!?!? But I am grounded, Eddy!" hightails it through the window. Eddy: to pull Ed back "So what?" Edd: "Has that window been open this whole time?" Sarah: offscreen "Hey, who's there?" jumps around the side of the house, gun cocked. "Freeze, mister!" is nobody there. Sarah goes over to the window and peers in at the Ed statue. Sarah: "You keep it down in there, Ed!" and Jimmy move away from the window. The real Ed and his cohorts are clinging to a ceiling pipe. Eddy: "Our two squirts in blue haven't a clue." Edd: "But now we're trapped with Ed, Eddy!" Eddy: agitated "Just follow my lead!" ---- creaks Ed's door open and drags his friends out. Eddy: whispering "Halfway there, boys. Now all we have to do is go up the–" turns around. The stairs are missing. Eddy: "WHAT HAPPENED TO THE STAIRS?!?" Ed: "My parents took 'em down 'cause I am grounded." Edd: "That's disturbing." Eddy: "Ah, they can keep the stairs, 'cause you can jump it!" Ed: "But I am grounded, Eddy!" Eddy: "Yeah, yeah, we heard a million times. Lemme help, Ed!" pulls out a giant safety pin. Edd: "Eddy, don't do it!" Eddy: "What's your problem?" jams the point into the floor. "Okay Ed, just lean back." ---- comes flying out the basement door. Ed: "Alley-oop!" Edd: him "Gracious!" Eddy: up the rear "Geronimo!" Eds land in the living room, right by the front door. Eddy: "Behold, the gate to freedom!" puts his hand on the doorknob. "After me." throws the door open, knocking the Eds backward. The good news is she doesn't see them. The bad news is she and Jimmy are coming inside. Sarah: "Don't worry, Jimmy, you'll be okay. Slivers aren't fun, are they? You really have to be careful with wooden rifles." Eds hear the cops coming and rush up the stairs. "Let's find some tweezers and poke and prod and wiggle it around until it falls out." hears a noise. "What was that?" Eds are staying behind the upper floor's banister as they sneak across the upper level, barely out of sight. Jimmy: "What?" listens. "You work too hard, Sarah. Sometimes you have to stop and smell the coffee." Sarah: "Ah, whadda you know? C'mon, let's find those tweezers." moves Jimmy along. ---- Eds enter a room. Edd keeps his hands over Ed's mouth. Eddy: "Let's stay in here till the coast is clear." removes his hands. Ed: "I'M A BAD BOY! I am grounded." Eddy: a moment of thought "Quick, the window!" runs into Sarah's closed window. Edd: "I believe a solution to all this can be solved with a little brainpower, Eddy." Eddy: muffled "I'm game." ---- slides open a slot in Ed's door and looks in. Sarah: meanly "Hey Ed, time for dinner!" Jimmy: "Buttered toast with gravy? People eat this?" Sarah: "Look at him sitting there, reading his little book!" realizes what's wrong. "Book?" storms into the room and goes up to Ed. Sarah: "Where'd you get that book Ed?" tussles with the Ed dummy and the pineapple falls off. Jimmy: frightened "Did Ed's head fall off, Sarah?" looks at the pineapple angrily. Sarah: "ED!!!!!!!!" ---- the Eds hear the loud call. Ed: "Sarah knows, guys!" Eddy: "Duh Ed, we heard her. Keep your shorts on." shorts are around his ankles. "No, seriously, keep your shorts on, Ed." ---- runs into the backyard, whistle blasting. Sarah scurries up the stairs, also tweeting on her whistle. Eddy opens the window and tethers out a giant kite. Eddy: "Houston, we have liftoff." Ed: "Let me remind you that I am–" Eddy: "Free as a bird, Ed!" grabs Ed, and the kite tows the Eds out the window. Sarah bursts in through the door just as the Eds escape the house. Edd: "Not good not good!" Eddy: "Go baby, go!" kite runs out of string, and the Eds are left hanging in midair. Edd: "Why do I condone such behavior?" Eds fall to earth, screaming, and land on Jimmy. Jimmy is crushed into a hole. Ed peeks out of the hole and vomits up Eddy, who pukes up Edd, who retches out Jimmy. Jimmy: "Saliva! Yuck!" Sarah: "Jimmy get out of there!" pulls Jimmy free. To Ed, sweetly "Guess what, big brother? I'M TELLING MOM!" Edd: "Remember that parental ring, Eddy?" Eddy: up "Oh great, now we're gonna get it." ---- Edd's room, a makeshift telephone rings. Edd puts down the book he is reading and goes to get it. Edd: up "Double D here. Over." Eddy: a tin can "Hey, this stupid thing work?" Edd: "Roger. You need to say over, Eddy, when you're done speaking. Over." Eddy: "This stinks! I got grounded forever. Over." Edd: "Three days for me, Eddy. A little quality time with my ants and some–" Eddy: "Three days? What makes you so special?!? Over." Ed: a sponge "Hello? Hello?" Eddy: "Ed?" Edd: "Ed? Over." line slowly begins to be pulled out his window. Eddy: "Forget Ed! I got a plan for the escape of the–" line goes taut, pulling the Eds against their respective walls. Eddy: "Hello?" Edd: "Ouch, over." Ed: "Cool!" Eds get yanked again. Edd: "Must be a party line." hits the wall. Eddy: "Oh, my aching–" Wall slam. Ed: "Do it again!" wish is fulfilled. In the middle of the cul-de-sac, Sarah is using an umbrella to pull on the wires. Jimmy: "Bring it on home, Sarah!" Pull. "Encore!" Pull. "This time with gusto!" Pull. "Lawdy mama!" Pull. "I'm tingly all over!" Pull. Category:Season 3 Category:Season 3 Scripts